That one thing
by Castlealexanderbeckett
Summary: Kate Beckett had a one night stand the night after her mothers murder. She got pregnant, had the baby, and then gave her up for adoption because every time she looked at her all she could think about was the pain she felt that night. Sixteen years later, while investigating the serial murders of teenage girls, she found the one thing she could never forget.
1. Chapter 1

**Okay so I'm pretty new to fan fiction so I'm not sure if this has been done before, but I was thinking about it and decided to go for it. I hope you like it, and as this is the first kind of story like this I've ever written, please let me know how it is. **

_Preface: Kate Beckett had a one night stand the night after her mothers murder. She got pregnant, had the baby, and then gave her up for adoption because every time she looked at her all she could think about was the pain she felt that night. Sixteen years later, while investigating the serial murders of teenage girls, she found the one thing she could never forget. _

Kate Beckett stared at the white in front of her. The blank white space, with only cold white faces on it looking back at her. No suspects, no leads, no known M.O's. Only five dead sixteen year olds.

She had spoken to every single parent of those beautiful children, and all she could think about was how to catch the son of a bitch who was killing these people who hadn't even had a chance to live yet. She stared harder, trying to forget all of the personal struggles and anguish that were taunting her on this case, and just find the killer, or at least some piece of evidence on him.

She heard footsteps behind her, and turned to see Castle walking towards her with a fresh cup of coffee. How did he always manage to know when she needed caffeine? In fact, why did she even need more caffeine? It was only 9:00 in the morning, she had already had a cup in bed that morning that he specially fixed for her, the cup he always brought in the mornings, and the one only thirty minuets ago. Oh well though, she thought, it's better to be addicted to coffee than crack.

And she had had to much experience with that drug over the past few days. The murders had first looked like they were related to a teenage drug circle, as the stuff had been found at every crime scene. But now the tox results were in and none of the girls had any drugs in their system, and record showed no past substance abuse. It had been another dead end.

Just as Beckett headed back to her desk to do another search on the way the killer attacked, drowning the victims in a bucket of bleach, which the remaining contents of which was used to wipe the places down, Esposito called out across the bullpen about a fresh one uptown.

Castle and Ryan grimaced, and Beckett just put her head down on her desk, and told Castle "to wake me up when it's over." before lifting her body up from her chair and grabbing her keys.

She and Castle drove her cruiser over to the crime scene. When they got there, and stepped out of the car, and under the yellow tape to the crime scene they saw a body on a stretcher, with paramedics surrounding it, and frantically calling for help.

"What the hell happened?" Beckett asked one of the medical people who had just hung up their phone. The medic looked at her and blinked a couple times, before shaking his head slightly and continuing "The victim is not fully dead yet. It appears as though she was being murdered when her parents came home earlier than expected. The killer shot both parents, killing them instantly, and, assuming the girl dead, left her lying on the floor upstairs and took off, not bothering to clean up or check the girls pulse. She and the parents were discovered a couple minuets later by neighbors who heard the shots and came as soon as they could." The paramedic finished, just as an ambulance came screaming up with more medical professionals jumping out with equipment.

Beckett looked on, hoping that the girl would be okay. If she lived they would have caught the killer, and saved his latest victim in one, though she ached for what the girl would go through when she awoke without parents.

As she mused, she saw more than one person look at her, and some were starting to whisper.

She was just about to ask what was going on with them when the paramedics dictated that it was time to move her. They slowly moved the stretcher, being careful not to bump anywhere. And as they passed by Kate, she saw what they had all been whispering about.

The girl looked exactly like her.

**So, this chapter is more of a prelude, that's why it's so short, but I hope it was all right, I wrote it late at night so who knows? Any thoughts? Positive or negative. Thank you for reading!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Oh my gosh thank you so much for the response to the last chapter! I was hoping for maybe a couple alerts and a few reviews, but you guys have been so amazing! I woke up in the morning to see my inbox with 50 new messages, and it absolutely made my day! Thank you guys so, so much! Anyways, here is the next chapter, I hope you like it! Drop me your thoughts, I always love to hear how it is, positive and negative. Enjoy!**

**Timeline: Just to clear some stuff that was asked about up, this story is set mid season five. Castle and Beckett have been together since "Always". All the current events of season five have happened, but I'm not sure if events past the most current episode will be referenced. I'll let you know if they are. If you have anymore questions about that or anything else just send me a PM and I'll get it cleared up for you! Thanks! **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Castle, or anything associated with it, though I so wish I did.**

"Well," Castle said from his place next to Beckett, where he stood with a look of confusion. "Beckett, you have a twin."

Kate just stared ahead. "What are the odds of that? Kind of creepy right? That you happened to find someone who looks just like you? Weird." Castle said, attempting to make light of the situation for Beckett.

Yet he could see the look on her face, a mixture of dread, horror, and pure astonishment, but not the good type of astonishment. The kind that made you fear for what was going to happen next.

So Castle kept talking, trying to bring Beckett back to earth.

"And we can finally catch the guy who killed all those people. I'm sure he left some evidence this time because there is no way you can shoot two people, and try to kill another one, then leave in a hurry without a finger print or a hair left behind, right? So don't worry Kate, everything will be fine. I promise!" He rambled on, hoping to get her to even look at him, to see her eyes reflecting anything other than shock.

Yet there was no such luck. She just kept staring straight ahead, and looking blankly off into the distance where the ambulance had disappeared into. He touched her arm, and she jumped, looking startled, as if she had forgotten that she was even there.

"Hey, Kate, it will be okay, alright? It's not you on that stretcher, it's just a weird coincidence. Don't worry. We're going to get this guy, just like we always do. I promise."

She looked at him then, and for a second their eyes connected. His held loving sincerity. Her's held desperation, and wildness. She looked like a caged animal, panicking, and begging to be let out.

"Kate?" He said again. "Kate, I promise. It will be alright. I swear."

She drew a shaky breath, and then nodded, and turned to Ryan and Esposito, who had been watching the whole thing, wondering what was the big deal. They knew this case had been taking a huge toll on Beckett, but couldn't understand why the arrival of a person who looked like Beckett would make her react like this. But they left it for later, as she spoke.

"Okay, yeah." she said shakily, "Umm, you two, go check out the crime scene upstairs. I'm, umm, going to go home for a bit. I'll be back later, I, uh, have some stuff to do. Castle, you can go home if you want. Clean up. I'll drop you off and then pick you up when I come back in?"

She finished, still looking off into the distance. The boys didn't know what was up, they couldn't understand why this was such a big deal to Beckett. After all, everybody looked like somebody else, somewhere in the world, right?

But they let it go, and smiled at her, as she walked off towards her car, without a look back, Castle following her looking worried.

They reached the car, and got in silently. Beckett started the car, and stared out into the traffic, slowly pulling out onto the street, and driving. Castle just looked at her, his eyes burning into her skull as if trying to read her mind.

They continued in this manner until they reached Castle's loft, and Beckett parked out front.

"Well," she said, "I'll pick you up later, when I go back in, is that okay? I'll call you first, so that you know I'm coming."

Castle smiled softly at her and then spoke for the first time, asking,

"Kate what's wrong? You've been silent since you saw that crime scene, and look like you've seen a ghost. Who is that girl?" He questioned, looking concerned, but not pushing to hard, knowing that she would just pull away if he did.

"Castle," she said, "It's nothing. Don't worry, I think I'm just tired. I, I'll see you later, K? Just..., I'll see you later." She trailed off, that lost look still in her eyes.

"Fine, okay, I'll see you later." Castle said quietly, hoping that when the time came she would tell him what was wrong.

"I love you."

He reminded her, as he leaned over, gave her a light kiss on the lips, and got out of the car.

"I love you too." Came back to him, as he smiled, and brushed his hand on her cheek, "I'll see you later, drive safely." He said, as he closed the car door, hoping that she would be okay.

Kate pulled into her parking spot at her building mechanically, turning off the engine, grabbing her keys and bag, and walking into the building.

She reached her apartment and unlocked the door, closing it and locking the deadbolt.

She put her things down, her gun in the safe, and then went over to the couch. She sat there for a moment, trying to stay calm, breathing deeply, before she couldn't hold it in any longer and she lost it.

Her whole body shuddered, and she shoved her fist in her mouth to keep from screaming. It was no use though, the high keeping sound she heard coming from her mouth not even close to the emotion she felt inside of her.

Tears started streaming down her face, her whole body was shuddering, and she gave up trying to muffle her cries, curling up into the fetal position on the couch, a pillow crushed in her arms, her body wracked with sobs.

She rocked back and forth, gasping for air, her sorrow consuming her as she sobbed, trying to hold herself together, to ground herself to the earth.

She was falling, and wasn't even fighting it anymore. The pain she felt was soaring through her body, infiltrating her veins, and pulling her under, as she went back to that horrible day, the day her life turned to hell.


	3. Chapter 3

**Again, thank you all so much for alerting, and reviewing my story, it just makes me so happy to know that people are reading it and liking it! Thank you! Anyways, here is the next chapter, the updates probably will not be so often all the time, but I already had this written, and couldn't find a reason not to post this! So here you go and I hope you like it! Leave me your thoughts if you'd like, I greatly appreciate it! Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Castle.**

_January 1995, New York City, one day after Johanna Beckett was murdered. _

She sat at the bar, slowly rotating on the stool, drinking another glass of scotch, and staring straight ahead.

Her body screamed of despair, and people were staying away. She tried to put it all out of her mind, the way her mothers body looked, dead on a slab in the morgue, the way her father looked like the entire world had just fallen out from under him, the way she had fallen to the ground, screaming and crying, for her mother to please dear god, not be dead.

She couldn't handle the sympathetic look on the cops face, nor the neighbor who came running upon hearing her scream.

And so she had gone, run to her room to be in peace, and let her heart rip itself in two.

And then the next day she had had to go identify the body with her father, and had slept until it was time. So at five she had gone, had seen for herself the cold thing on the table which had once been her mother, and had left, running out the door and ending up here, in a bar, drinking the burning liquid, trying to erase her pain.

"Another." She called out to the bar tender, and was about to slide some cash across the counter when a man stopped her hand, and put money down.

"This one's on me." He stated looking at her. He was tall, dark, and handsome, a smile on his lips as he called out for his own drink, his gaze never leaving her. "You've been here a while now," he said "And I figured it was time for me to buy you a drink and see if you were okay. You seem pretty low."

She smiled lightly, and thanked him with a nod. "So," he asked, "what brings you here tonight?" She looked at him, and weighed getting it all out, or just walking away. This was just some random guy after all. "Hey," he said, "It's okay..." He raised his eyebrows silently asking her name. "Kate." She said. "Alright then, Kate. I promise it will be okay eventually. You can talk to me."

And with that one look, she felt herself telling him everything, not able to hold back, just breaking down, and getting it all out. And when she was done, remarkably, she felt better. "I'm sorry," she said, "I didn't mean to tell you all that, it just...came out." She finished lamely, but he smiled at her, and shook his head.

"Don't even think about apologizing, I was glad to hear it. My dad died a few years back, and one day I just told my friend all about it by accident and I remember how good it felt to talk. So I figured it might help you." He finished, with yet another dazzling, kind smile.

"Mm, thanks." She smiled back, sighing. "Thank you." "Hey, so I'm about to head out," he said to her, "and it looks like you should probably head home too. Do you wan to share a cab home?" He asked, and she nodded, sliding off the bar stool, and taking the arm he offered her.

They left the bar, stepping out into the frigid winter air, unconsciously moving closer to each other, and hugging for warmth.

They hailed a cab, and gave her address to the driver, heading over to her place first. When they got there he got out with her, walking her to the door, to make sure she got in okay.

And when she kissed him, trying to forget everything that had happened over the past few days he went with her, as they tumbled in the front door, erasing her pain, and falling further.

One month later, Kate Beckett woke up sick, with a missing period, and upon taking a pregnancy test was brought back to the pain she felt that night, the memories stronger than ever.

Eight months later, when the pain still hadn't lessened every time she looked down, she made the decision to give her baby girl to a family with real parents, ones who weren't wracked with grief every time they looked at her, and said goodbye to the little girl.

The next week she signed up for the police academy, and checked her dad into rehab. She had gone away once she had gotten pregnant. He never knew about the baby. Nobody ever knew about the baby. Nobody but her.

_2012, Kate Beckett's apartment._

She lay on the couch still holding her arms tightly around herself, trying to escape the memories bombarding her mind, making her insane.

She rocked back and forth, pushing her fingers into her head trying to get rid of the image of her beautiful baby in her arms. She knew she had done the right thing giving her up, but now, oh god what did she do.

Her baby-no, she told herself, their baby- was nearly dead, could die within the hour, minuet, second even. And the people she had trusted to take care of her were dead now, saving her daughter from certain death.

She was a mess. Everything was collapsing around her, and she had no idea what to do.

Her life had turned into a living hell in one day. One minuet everything was perfect, and they next it was in shambles, and she had no idea how to fix it.

She was useless, and miserable, and horrified, and didn't know how to get through it. _What to do?!_ She hugged tighter, and rolled over, about to get up to get a drink of water and try to clear her head, when she heard a knock at the door.

She pulled herself off the couch and walked over to the door, opening it to see Castle standing there, and let him in. He took one look at her tear-ridden face, her wild, desperate eyes, and pulled her to him, murmuring softly to her, that he loved her and it would be okay.

And then when he asked what was wrong, she let go, and gasped out, "That was my daughter today Castle. The girl who almost died was my baby."


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey everybody, I am so so sorry it took so long to get this up, I didn't mean for it to, but sadly real life and deadlines got in the way. So here is the next, though late, chapter, and I hope you like it! The conversation with Castle gave me some trouble, I rewrote it a lot, and I am still not sure about it, so let me know what you think, of that and the rest of the chapter. Also, I have a plot line that would make this whole kid thing a wrench in Castle and Beckett's relationship, how would you feel about that? Or I can just keep them mostly smoothly sailing, and let other, more dangerous characters such as the serial killer do their worst. So let me know, I greatly appreciate it! On with the story, enjoy!**

Disclaimer: I do not own Castle, or anything associated with it!

"W...what?" Castle looked down at her in his arms, his face a torrent of confusion, astonishment, anguish, and what looked like anger, and betrayal.

Kate started to talk quickly, hoping to get it all out before Castle ran out on her, leaving her alone and with no one, to destroy herself again. If she could just get him to understand...

"Castle," she said,

"Castle that girl today is my daughter. Please, please just listen to me before you judge me. You have to understand this. Please."

Castle stayed silent, still staring at her, looking anything but understanding. She began to talk again, telling him about what had originally happened, and why she had chosen to give up her baby. Finally she was finished, speaking a few last words before falling silent:

"Castle, I was broken back then. Even more so than when you met me, more so than when I was so intent on finding my mothers killer. I couldn't keep that child.

All my misery would have been pushed onto her, and then she would have had a horrible life. And I wouldn't have had a way to support a baby either. I wasn't a cop then. I hadn't even finished college. Not even close. A semester at college wouldn't exactly have gotten me a lot of jobs. So you see I couldn't keep that baby, I couldn't have raised her alone.

I know your probably thinking about how you raised Alexis all by yourself, and yes she turned out great, but you had the resources and the support. I had none of that.

So that's my explanation, and I know that you probably don't understand, and hate me for lying to you and everyone else for all these years, but please Castle, please try to understand and forgive me."

Kate finished. She had been talking for a long time and pretty fast, she wanted to get it all out.

As she had told her story she had been looking anywhere but at Castle, afraid that his expression would make her loose her confidence, and stop talking. She knew that she just had to keep going, she had to get this out, and once it was done she would deal with the consequences, no matter what they were.

So when she finally looked up, and saw Castles face, the sadness lying there was not what she had expected.

She had thought he would be angry, or disappointed with her, that he would leave her and never come back, her partner gone forever, she had not expected this. His face looked heartbroken for her, he could see how bad of a situation this was all around.

Kate had now lost not only her mother, but almost her daughter, who still could die any minute. According to the hospital staff she was still in critical condition and being watched closely.

Kate had had every possible bad thing happen to her, and he was going to try and fix that. He looked at her worried face and told her that he did understand and be was going to do whatever it took to make it better; he would help her every step of the way.

And then he leaned down and kissed her, his lips slowly dancing with hers, and attempting to pull the sorrow from her body. They broke apart slowly, eyes connected, hands together. Castle broke the silence, whispering, "Let's go see your daughter."

They reached the hospital, and went inside, going to the front desk, and asking where her daughter's room was. They were directed down a long hallway, which had police protecting each end of it, and more officers outside of her room.

Kate peered inside, and started to tremble slightly when she saw the young girl hooked up to all the machines, with I.V.'s hanging, and tubes everywhere. The girl's eyes were closed, and she breathed evenly.

Beckett looked more closely, studying her face, the thing that had first alerted her to their family status. She really was Beckett in the miniature. She had the same face, her nose, and lips the same perfect shape. Her eyes, though she couldn't see them at the moment, were certain to be a rich hazel, and her chocolate locks were messy, but still beautiful.

Kate sighed as she looked at the beautiful girl, and as she felt Castle's hand on her back, she turned, and smiled at him.

"She's really perfect isn't she? I mean, aside from all the scratches, bumps and bruises, and wires?"

"Of course she is Kate. She really is. Kind of crazy how much she looks like you actually. You make good babies!" He exclaimed, and she laughed at his last comment.

"I guess you could say that," she said, looking at the girl again. "She is pretty great." Castle smiled at her and grabbed her hand, kissing her lightly.

"Do you want to go in and see her?" He asked.

Kate looked a bit startled at that, hesitant, as if she wasn't sure it was allowed.

"But what if she doesn't like me, or hates and resents me or something? I'm the person who abandoned her, remember? I left her to someone else! How could she forgive me for that? Heck, I don't even know what to call her! What if her parents renamed her?"

Castle squeezed her hand reassuringly, and told her that it would be fine. She would love her, and even though it would be hard initially to accept what had happened, she would be alright eventually.

"And as for what to call her," he said, "When I asked about her room, while you were hiding around the corner so no one saw you, they told me her name. It's the same."

He smiled, and without any further introduction opened the door to the room, and guided her in. She stepped into the room, going over to the bed and moving towards a chair that was sitting there.

As she moved the chair so she could sit down, it scratched to floor, making a loud screeching noise, loud enough to wake the dead. And apparently that was true, because at the sound of it the girl turned in her bed so that she was facing Beckett. Then her eyes slowly opened, blinking in the light from the window behind Kate.

"Wh...What happened?" She asked looking at Kate. "Where am I? Where are my mom and dad?"

She looked around with difficulty, moaning a little as she stretched her neck, the needles in her arms pulling, and stitches stretching.

"And who are you?"

Was her final question, the one Kate was dreading, but knew had to be answered. So she spoke slowly, trying to stay calm, as her heart races inside of her chest.

"Emily," she said, "I'm your mother."


	5. Chapter 5

**Thank you so much for all the reviews and follows and favorites! They make me so happy! So keep them coming! Anyways, I hope you like this chapter, it was pretty hard to write, I tried to capture the grief that both Kate and Emily would have felt, but I don't think I did it justice. So, even though this one was hard, and I was basically crying by the end of it envisioning the situation, I hope you can get through it! I promise I will try to make it a bit easier to stomach from here on out, with more Caskett moments, and eventually happier moment between Kate and Emily. So on that note, try to enjoy****.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Castle.**

The girl looked shocked and full of disbelieve in one.

"You're my what?" She exclaimed.

"My mother? That's not true. My mom is not you. No way. Why are you even saying that! You're obviously not her. She doesn't look anything like you! She has blond hair, blue eyes, is older than you, and doesn't sound like you, and IS NOT YOU!" She shouted out.

"So, since you are obviously not my mom, who in the heck are you then? And where is she? And my dad?" Emily asked, her tone still raised, anger, frustration, desperation, and fear coloring her tone.

"Emily," Kate said, looking broken, and helpless, knowing that with Emily not aware of her adoption, her task of alerting her daughter to the horrible situation at hand was going to be even worse than she could ever have dreamed possible.

She knew that Emily would not accept any of it, she was sure she would handle it exactly the way she herself had when she found out that her mother was dead.

So she reached for Castle's hand, and squeezed it as she began to talk.

"Emily, my name is detective Kate Beckett. I am a homicide detective from the twelfth precinct. The case we, my partner Richard Castle and I and the other detectives there, have been working on involves a serial killer.

The person in question has been killing sixteen-year-old teenage girls. The reason you were brought here to the hospital is because the serial killer broke into your home and tried to murder you."

At this Kate had to stop because of the look on Emily's face, and the sounds she was making.

The girl sounded line she was chocking on rocks. Her breathing was rushed and labored, her voice a high-pitched noise of terror. Her eyes held the look Kate knew only too well, that of a hunted animal, the desperate, tortured look that came with being held hostage with a gun to your head, the face of an already dead man.

She darted her head about, looking around as if there might be someone in that very room trying to get her again.

Her terrified gaze latched onto Kate, and as if forgetting her confusion, and anger at Kate's statement that she was her mother, reached out and grasped Kate's hand, her grip like a vice, as she whispered

"Where are my mom and dad?"

Her voice sounding as if she almost knew what was coming next. Kate spoke, her voice shaking with the effort not to break down and cry, as she said to her:

"Emily, while you were being drown, your parents walked in. They had come home early. When they walked in the killer pulled out a gun, and shot them both.

They did not survive. The killer fled your house, leaving you on the floor, where neighbors who had heard the commotion found you minutes later. They called the paramedics who brought you here, and saved your life."

She finished, not going into the paternity issue yet. She had been looking down the whole time she told Emily what had happened, knowing she would not be able to continue if she looked up or stopped talking.

And now that she did raise her head to look at her daughters face she knew she had been right not to look at her before this moment.

Her expression was even more horrible than when she had been told she had almost died.

Her face was so covered in anguish; her eyes so tightly closed it looked like they weren't even there. She was gasping for air, sobs racking her body. Tears ran in rivers down her cheeks, dripping like raindrops off her chin. Her mouth was tilted so far down it seemed like it would be stuck like that forever. She looked more terrified and heartbroken than Kate had ever seen; the only thing that had come close to this expression was when she herself looked in the mirror.

As her daughter wailed, she herself began to shake, the pressure she had been holding in bursting out of her mouth, even as she clamped down on it, her hands, which had been flung away from her daughter upon her admission, pushed on her lips, pulling the together trying to hold it in.

She stared at the girl who was convulsing in front of her, helpless to hold her together, and feeling like there was nothing she knew how to do to make it better.

She couldn't make it better. The girl's mother and father had died, in her mind leaving her alone in the world, with nothing she could do.

So they cried together, one yearning to hold the other, to stroke her face, and help her feel loved, to take the time to our her back together, the other determined to hate the world forever, and never truly live again, the same way her mother had, sixteen years ago.

…

Finally Emily's crying slowed to a tortured low moan, and she reached out for Kate's hand again, pulling on it to get her attention, as Kate's face had been buried in her hands and lap the whole time Emily mourned.

She startled at the touch, and Castle, who had been sitting there the whole time, tears running down his face as well, reached out and put a steadying hand on her shoulder.

She looked up and saw Emily staring at her, tear tracks down her face shining in the harsh hospital lights.

She stared into Emily's eyes and tried to smile at her, hoping that maybe, if she could convince Emily to trust her than she could possibly have a place in her daughter's life and come to be recognized as her mom, though she knew she would never be able to hold the place in Emily's heart she wished she could occupy.

She didn't regret giving Emily up for adoption, but she couldn't help but think about how this never would have happened if she hadn't.

Then Emily spoke, her shaky voice breaking the silence.

"What did you mean earlier about being my mother?"

Kate looked at her, and made the decision that she would explain now, and try to help her understand what was going on. And so she began.

"My mother was also murdered. That was 16 years ago. The night after her death I had a bad night. A month later I found out that I was pregnant.

I was so young though, and I knew that I wouldn't be able to handle a baby on my own. So when I had that baby, I made the hardest decision of my life, by giving my baby up for adoption.

Emily, that baby that I gave away so she could have a better life was you. The people who adopted you were your parents. I am your real mother, and I am so truly sorry.


	6. Chapter 6

**I am so eternally sorry for the late update! I feel horrible! Sorry! Anyways, despite my incompetence, here is the next chapter, I hope you like it, I tried to make it a happier chapter, and more light hearted! Also, in the last chapter I used the wrong wording, I should have said "birth mother" instead of "real mother". Sorry about that. Anyways hope you like this, leave me a thought on it if you want, I always love to get them!**

Kate closed the door to Emily's room softly, careful not to wake the sleeping girl.

She had finally fallen asleep after they had talked for a long time about the situation at hand. Emily had initially been very upset and angry with Kate, but as they talked it had become easier. However, as much as Emily assured her it was all okay, and that she understood, Kate could sense the underlying distrust, anger, and grief her daughter still clearly felt.

As the door shut behind her, Kate turned to Castle who took her hand and then pulled her into a hug. As she felt his strong, warm arms around her, Kate relaxed, allowing Castle's comforting embrace to calm her racing heart and mind. Talking with Emily for the first time had been the most intense thing she had ever done, much harder that interrogating murder suspects.

Castle looked down at Kate, extending her from his arms a bit as she peered up at him, her eyes full of exhaustion and fear. He smiled reassuringly at her and let her out of his arms, but kept her hand in his.

"Let's go home." He murmured softly to her, knowing he could t leave her alone after what had just happened. He guided her out of the hospital with a hand on the small of her back, and hailed a cab, giving the driver instructions back to his apartment.

When they got there Castle helped Kate out of the car, and took her silently up to the loft. They opened the door to a silent apartment, Castle had called ahead and told Martha and Alexis to be a sang that evening due to the fact that he knew Kate would want to be left alone for now.

They walked over to the sofa after hanging up their coats, and Castle sat there, looking at her, trying to think of what would help her.

"Do you want a drink?" He asked after a minuet of silence, moving to get up, and at her silent nod he went and got them both a glass of wine. He handed it to her with a smile and she responded with another nod, and murmured thanks.

"Do you want to talk?" Castle inquired, wondering what could possibly be going through her mind at the moment. She shook her head no, but reached out for him and pulled him to her, kissing him while putting their wine on the table.

And then she whispered that she wanted him to help her forget about the whole thing for a little while, and kissed him again, harder this time. He responded, pushing against her. If this was what she wanted then he would oblige, wanting to help her, and it just felt so good.

The love of his life, finally letting him in, letting him help her and understanding what was going on in her head. He loved her so much and just wanted to help it get better and make the bad things go away.

They lay down on the couch, the fire place flickering behind them, making each others sorrows disappear, finding the comfort they had both longed for so long, never finding it in others, in each other.

Kate had never felt so emotionally drained. She didn't know what to think or do, she just, at the moment knew how to feel.

So she gave into Castle, let him take her pain away as she had asked, and felt the sensations he was pulling from her in the full, the warmth traveling over her body from the heat of the room and Castle's love making everything better, and cleansing her for the moment, from what was to come.

**Sappy, right? I know, but I just needed it today.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Hey everybody, I'm so sorry it has been so long, like I said before, I'm the worst updater ever! Anyways I hope you like it, it's longer than the last chapter. Please leave me a thought if you want to, I really appreciate the reviews, they make me so happy! Enjoy, and thank you for reading and reviewing!**

**I do not own Castle or anything associated with it!**

Kate awoke the next morning to find Castle curled around her, his warm clutch welcome against the cold.

She could feel that the temperature of the room had dropped; it felt like icicles were infesting any part of her body not under the covers or wrapped up in her lover's arms.

As she blinked through the light that streamed through the curtains above her; they had been to busy last night to close any besides the one people could see through, she saw tiny crystals falling down, and lightly dusting the bottom of the window still. Snow!

Kate had always loved the cold beauties, when she was little she had always gone to the park with her mom at the first snowfall, and made snow angles, and snowmen all day long.

Sometimes her dad would join them and they would have boy vs. girls snowball fights, but it was mostly something she liked to do with her mom.

Then, after a hard day of playing they would head home to a big cup of hot chocolate for Kate, and a coffee for her mom, and they would watch Sesame Street when she was little, and then Temptation Lane when she got older.

The first snowfall always brought these memories back and made her feel safe and warm. And today the feelings were especially powerful, with Castle here too, their first winter as a couple.

She closed her eyes again, settling back, and thinking of how maybe they could go to the park together- she was sure she could beat him in a snowball fight, although he had surely had practice with aim with Alexis…

And then she remembered. Her daughter; her Emily. For a second there she had felt normal again, had forgotten that she had been reemitted into Emily's life and now that she had remembered it was all she could think about to see if she was okay.

She moved away from under the covers, the warmth of their flannel calling her back to them as if they were a real voice, and had arms that held her back. She shook off the feeling though, and pulled her arms through a robe at the foot of the bed.

Grabbing her phone, she went into the living room, and dialed the hospital's number, inquiring about her daughter. The cool female nurse's voice assured Kate that Emily was fine, and as it was 5:30 in the morning, had not woken up yet.

Kate hung up, reassured for the moment, and went into the kitchen to make Castle breakfast.

He had been there for her through all this; the least she could do was bring him breakfast in bed for now.

So she began to make him pancakes, saying thank you for all he did for her. She also made coffee, of course, and decided to make some bacon as well, he liked it after all.

Finally the ensemble was ready, and she put it onto a tray, and walked into Castle's room. When she entered she found him starting to get up from bed, but when he saw her, he sat back down, and pulled back the covers for her to join him.

She sat down, handing him his breakfast with a smile. "Thank you." He said, kissing her lightly, his lips brushing hers in a slight touch, reassuring her, surely he had not forgotten the previous days events, and knew how hard this was for her.

He took a bight of the food, and upon swallowing, smiled at her.

"Very good, as usual," he exclaimed, "And dare I ask how Emily is this morning? I assume you have already checked in on her?" He raised his eyebrows curiously, and waited for her response. "Yeah," she said, "I already called and they said she is doing fine, still asleep. I thought that I might go back into work today, and see where the case is going."

She finished, looking at Castle, wondering what he thought of it. "Well," he said hesitantly, "that's probably a good idea, but you know that when you go back in you're going to have to explain to Ryan, Esposito, Lanie, and Gates what happened to you, and why you freaked out and haven't come back to work for two days. You realize that right? How hard this is going to be. You had trouble telling me, and I know you better that anyone except maybe your dad."

She looked at him, and smiled.

"Don't worry about it Castle, I know that I have to talk to them, and I know it will be hard. I think I am going to go in and talk to Lanie first, and then see if she will come up with me to help talk to the boys. If I have you and Lanie with me I'll hopefully be able to do this." She replied, and Castle looked her with confidence. He knew that she would be able to do this; he just wanted to make sure she knew that she could too.

….

Kate reached the morgue just as the snow had begun to fall harder. When she had left the building this morning, calling Lanie ahead of time to tell her that she was coming and she wanted to explain what was going on, she had emerged into a sort or winter wonderland, an odd thing to see in city that usually turned grey rather than white in December.

The snowflakes had been falling softly for the last twenty minutes, and were getting thicker by the second. She was initially glad to step inside, but as the cool morgue air hit her she almost wished she was back outside, surely it was warmer there than here!

She walked to Lanie's office, praying that it would be better in there, after all, her friend always insisted on turning up the heat when she came over to Kate's house for a drink and some girl talk, the most resent subject of Lanie's gossip being her and Castle, and how freaking long it had taken them to get together.

The room was a tinge warmer, but she didn't have a chance to feel it before Lanie pulled her into a hug. "Oh honey, are you okay?" she asked, concern littering her voice, and sitting Kate down on the couch.

"Yeah, yes, I'm okay." Kate said a little bit shakily. "I…I have to tell you something Lanie, and you're going to freak out, and probably be really mad at me, but please just listen to me, and try to accept this. It's a really hard thing for me, and just please, please listen." Kate said, and glanced up from her hands on her lap, and looked into Lanie's eyes. She was surprised to see fear in her friend's eyes, and started to speak. "Lanie," she said, looking up again, "Lanie, I have a daughter. Her name is Emily. She is the girl who was attacked in the murder last week and survived."

**So I hope you liked it, sorry for the huge cliffhanger****, hopefully I will be able to update sooner than usual! Thoughts?**

**-E**


	8. Chapter 8

**I am SO sorry! And I know I've said that a million times but I really really am! Also, thank you so much to those of you who review, I appreciate and enjoy them so much! Thanks to everyone who followed and favorited me as well! Anyway enjoy this chapter; I am already working on another to be posted this weekend! Again, thank you for reading and reviewing, Enjoy!**

Lanie stared at her, her eyes wide in astonishment. She looked as if she was staring into the eyes of a snake, hypnotized by the awful power of its gaze.

"Lanie?" Kate asked, "Lanie, are you okay? I know it's a shock, trust me, I know. I'm so sorry I never told you this before but it was another part of my life, times were all I knew was darkness. I couldn't dare talk about her or even think about her most of the time because it just hurt too much. She is my daughter, but I never imagined I would ever know her again. I made that choice when I left her; I wanted her to have a better life. And now…" Kate stifled a sob, she had begun to cry again as she spoke, "now my daughter was almost murdered, the only parents she ever knew are dead, and I have no idea what to do!" Kate cried, as Lanie came over to her, finally over her shock.

Wrapping her arms around Kate, she hugged her, telling her not to worry. "Kate," she said soothingly, "Don't worry girl! I'm here, and Castle is sure to be there for you, and we'll go talk to Ryan and Esposito together. It will all be okay."

Kate looked at her through her tears. "You promise Lanie? You'll help us?"

"Of course, honey! And don't worry; Emily is going to be just fine. We'll get her fixed up, find her a good psychologist, and see where she wants to go from there okay?"

"Yeah," Kate said, "That sounds good. You're sure she'll be okay? And your not super mad at me for never telling you?" She questioned.

"Kate," Lanie said, "We all have parts of our life we plan to conceal. I don't blame you at all, and I'm sure Emily won't either once you explain. You were in an awful part of your life then, and everybody understands that. Don't worry."

"Thanks for understanding this Lanie." Kate said, "It's just so hard! And I did already talk to Emily, she acts okay about it, but I know she's not. She is exactly like me Lanie. She looks like me; I can tell she has the same pain as me. I already loved her, and now I just love her even more. So how am I supposed to deal with that if I know, was I in her situation I would really want nothing to do with me? How do I stand that when I love her so much?"

Lanie looked at her sympathetically. "You do what you know how to do Kate. You treat her like an extra sensitive victim, you make her feel comfortable, and you help her to let you in. You make her feel safe. You can do it. And then hopefully she will slowly let you in. Don't over think it. It will work out. I promise." She concluded, smiling at Kate, giving her hand a squeeze.

"Now," Lanie said as she got up and went to get her coat from her desk, "It is actually time for me to go visit our Miss. Emily and check on how she is healing."

"What have they been giving her? I mean, how do you even treat that much physical abuse and a chest full of bleach?" Kate asked, her voice rising as she inquired.

"Well," Lanie began explaining, "This is going to sound bad, but just believe me, it's for the best, and it is healing her." Kate looked at her with horror, "What are they doing to her Lanie!?"

"I'm getting there, don't worry. First they had to drain her lungs and stomach to get all the stuff out of there. Now that that is done, she is on heavy drug removal medicine, painkillers for all the cuts and things, and is seeing someone everyday for the mental stuff. The hospital staff said she is doing a remarkable job recovering. I guess I know why now, if she's got the Beckett spirit in her, but now that I think about it they did say she's been asking for you, now I guess I know why." Lanie finished.

"She's been asking for me?" Kate exclaimed, "Really? She wants to see me?"

"Yep." Lanie smiled, "And I guess it's been a positive tone when she does ask. Maybe it won't be as hard as you think?"

"Well who knows right?" Kate said with a smile on her face, "Maybe she's more adaptive than me. Well, anyways, can we go see her now? I need to be sure she's alright!"

"Let's go!" Lanie said, and they left.

As they drove nearer and nearer to the hospital, Kate got more nervous by the minute. She could feel herself shaking slowly in her seat, shivering at the cold air blowing in from the vent. As she reached out to close it her hand trembled.

It didn't matter that Emily had been asking for her. For all Kate knew it was so that Emily could yell at her until she was hoarse on how much she hated her! Kate had brought her to this world, and even though she knew that it wasn't her fault how could she help not feeling guilty?

If she hadn't gotten pregnant then those people would never be dead because they would never have had Emily, the exact type that the killer wanted. In her own way Kate had killed those people, and nearly killed her own child.

Kate's thought's followed her into the hospital as they pulled into a space and went in. She walked through the halls in a daze, finally reaching Emily's room and going in, Lanie following her. She looked at the bed, and saw a smiling girl sitting there with an older woman, who was holding her hand as tightly as she dared. The pair looked up and as Emily's face brightened the gray haired lady frowned, and stood up, still holding Emily's hand as if staking her claim.

"Hello," the woman said, managing a forced smile, "You must be Kate, Emily's…"

"Mother!" Emily called out from the bed. "Kate," she said, "This is my Grandma. She's said she's going to take care of me from now on."

**All right, well I'm back on track with cliffhangers and will make a huge effort to update again before next Wednesday when I leave the country for a week! Thank you so much for reading, I know there was a lot of dialogue, which I'm not as good at (any tips fellow writers?) but I'm working on it! Thanks, comments welcome!**

**-E**


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